I sat awake in the dead of night last night, in the earliest hours of the new year, waiting for my trusty sidekick, Smooch, to return home from her late night walk-about. I’m not sure what compelled her to wake me up at 2:30 AM to be let out. Perhaps she just wanted to get a jump on the new year. So between worrying thoughts of what might happen to her- bear, skunk, porcupine, coyote… I thought back on the last year.

The words that characterize the year for me are loss, discombobulation and consternation.

There were decidedly good things that happened too but this post is about the dumpster fire.

Loss struck early in the year when my beloved little sister, Amy, died of ovarian cancer. She was incredibly brave to the end and even chose to end her life on her terms through MAID (Medical Aid in Dying). As my one and only sister, she and I shared a unique relationship. I miss her dearly.

Later in the year another terrible loss struck when my dear dear friend Barnes Boffey died of pancreatic cancer. He asked me to help steer the group that would plan his memorial so I was right in the thick of it. He too chose to go on his terms with MAID. Such courageous choices.

This man was one of my best friends in life, always there for me in ways that few others were. I miss him terribly.

Discombobulation (isn’t that such a great word?) characterizes the chaos of selling our lovely old farmhouse, moving into a one room apartment and then trying to get through the year without knowing where anything is. It ended with me finding other places to live and moving, count them, four times during the year. While I love my dear husband, living in a one room apartment with his messiness and the dog was more than I could manage. We will probably be looking for things for years to come. I had a major win this week when I found my passport. Yay!

And consternation is the state that I was in for most of the year, worried about our country, our world and my tenuous health. Like many, I am still in a bit of shock that the election ended the way it did. How is this possible? I was so inspired by Kamala Harris and her heroic efforts to win the election. How could we end up with this buffoonish shyster and his cabal of despicable cronies? Certainly in our liberal bubble of Vermont, we didn’t conceive that it could end this way.

Consternation has been my companion with regards to my health for four years now. Coming to grips with diminished vision, being deaf in one ear and bad balance is just the beginning. I will spare us all the organ recital but there are constant worries about the overall state of my health- my brain, my back and the list goes on.

What’s a girl to do? Well, the best I can come up with is to just keep putting one foot in front of the other and try to fill my life with the things that bring me joy. My family, my friends, my art, my writing, my dog friends, my theatre company and my beloved camp. I’m hoping that by writing this post, I am getting the grumpiness off the table for 2025. Here’s to more cheerful missives in the year ahead

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